So You’ve Been Caught by a Debt Collector?
By receiving this pamphlet, you agree to all terms of service. What happens during the debt collection process, and the state of you hereafter, is solely and completely your liability. Answer and act correctly and we will strive for only minimal bodily maiming. Bella & Blair hopes your interaction with us or our agents will be pleasant and civil. If you have any complaints, you are welcome to our main office in the Ash Crypt, Bloodworth city, and we are happy to convince you that all your complaints were in fact mistaken.
How do I pay my debts?
You have been handed this pamphlet by a collector, what now?
Easy, just answer these simple questions to decide your fate.
Here are your options.
Pay
That wasn’t so hard, now, was it? You are free to go.
(Hint: If you have any sense, this is the option you want to go for.)
Write off
In rare cases, after we tried our very best and if we feel particularly kind, we might write off your debt. This means the debt is forgiven. Your life will, of course, also be forfeit.
Persuasion
You have chosen to be convinced of all the great reasons to pay your debt, goody! Fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency is, of course, amongst our weaponry. But we also have a dazzling number of convincing tools and techniques that we are always happy to show you. By choosing this option, your experience may include:
- Needles
- Whips
- Knives
- Hot iron
- Tooth chisel
- Flonkel
- Biting
- Flaying
- Tickling
- Slapping
- Impalement
- Forced public speaking
- The good ol’ knuckle sandwich
- Reading from an unreasonably boring book
- Heartfelt poetry recitation***
- Bone breaking
- Portable rackTM
- Diabolical laughter
- Organ knitting
- Unkind words*
- Poorly baked cake
- Spooky story time
- Awkwardly long hugs
- Soul unraveling**
- Dream haunting**
- Mind fracturing**
* Reserved for particularly difficult debtors.
** We do employ a few Soul Sorcerers. Pray your collector can merely inflict physical pain. If you were caught by Blair herself, darkness help you.
*** Rarely used, as most collectors consider it too cruel.
Alternate payment methods
No oil to pay your debt? Here are your options. We trust you will follow your payment plan. DO NOT make us find you again. See the “So You Have Chosen Death” pamphlet about failing to follow your plan.
Bloodletting
If the debt is small and your blood is judged sufficient, you can settle your debt in one tapping. For larger debts we offer a bloodletting plan for you to visit our office weekly until your debt is paid. Uncooperative debtors will be strung up to the slow drip until the debt is paid. Not available for smokestone users.
Honest Work
We have contracts with several circles that need hard work done as much as you need to pay this debt. It might even give you opportunities after your debt is settled. I know it seems far-fetched, but even you could become a productive member of society.
Tattletale Internship
Are you a sneaky rascal with no sense of morals? Then this might be the plan for you. Settle your debt by working for us to find other debtors. A portion of every debt you bring in goes to covering your own.
Bella & Blair
Debt Collection • Problem Solving • Misery Infliction
Customer dissatisfaction guaranteed
Bella
Age: 432.
Craft: Needler.
Personality: Charming, if you are on her good side.
Reasonableness: 6/10
Mercy: 4/10
Persuasion: 9/10
Responsibility: Business acquisition.
Likes: Meeting interesting people, punishing the guilty, and long walks in the darkness.
Blair on Bella: “She is far too kind. I mean, some needles under the nails… Could as well serve em’ cake at that point.”
Blair
Age: Don’t ask.
Craft: Soul Sorcerer.
Personality: Complete disdain for everyone.
Reasonableness: 2/10
Mercy: -7/10
Persuasion: 47/10
Responsibility: Particularly difficult customers and extreme measures.
Likes: Soul defilement, hot iron, biting, and seeing all hope fade from your eyes.
Bella on Blair: “Don’t be fooled by her small stature or her cute little horns. If she gets you, life as you know it has come to an end.”