The Elizeium offers a wide range of services and Elf massages by our expert bath attendants from all around the cave. Fill in this form, hand it to an attendant and prepare yourself for a butt-clenching experience.
Tip: Book in advance to avoid waiting. For multiple customers, please use different symbols and ink color to avoid mix-ups.
Massage, Anointment, and Snuggle Order Form
Start by choosing the kind of experience you are looking for. Will you go for one of the familiar Crimson Styles or are you feeling adventurous enough to try something from other kin? Each tick will add another attendant – Some limits may apply during busy hours.
Crimson Massage Styles
Ironedge warm-up
A tradition as old as time. Grease up before a duel, workout, or just to treat your skin. Many of the moves have their origin in classic elven wrestling. We can also help tying traditional dueling wraps.
Roserocking
A straightforward massage of the southern style. Oil rubbed in with smooth rocks.
We only use authentic rocks from the Roserock Mountains.
Hammock Shuffle
This traditional islander massage stems from sea-elves helping each other relax knotted, tired muscles after the hard work at sea. It is preformed while lying in a hammock, as it would be on a ship.
Highland Cuddle
Not a massage as such, but a close hug to keep you company. With origins from Hammerheim hunters that cuddled up in their tents while out on the windy highlands. It’s even better if you invite a few friends.
Exotic Massage Styles
Hot Hot Hot (Amber Elf)
With their high body temperature an Amber will give you a steamy experience.
Four hands (Valari Elf)
You might have noticed the Valari like physical touch, so much so that they can hardly keep their hands to themselves. Their massage style takes groping to an art form.
Always at least a 3 on the spiciness scale.
Spine-popping (Lerna Elf)
Lerna pirates are well known for stealing the spines of their victims, but our Lerna are much nicer, we promise! They’ll bend and pop your spine in ways you hardly thought were possible.
Tentacles (Honey-Squid)
NEW! With some recently hired squids we can now offer this entirely new experience!
Bad Elf Fiend
Have you been a bad elf? Punish yourself to a good spanking. The Fiends straddle the border between pain and pleasure. Just don’t forget the safe word.
Please book ahead of time. The Elizeium have no Fiends on staff, but through our partnership with the Ash Crypt we can arrange an appointment.
Customize Your Elf Massage
Which bits?
- Ears
- Face
- Tongue
- Neck & Shoulders
- Chest
- Arms & Hands
- Back
- Abs
- Butt
- Legs & Feet
- Full Rub Down All of the Above
- Skip the Teasing
How hard?
- Barely a Tickle
- Soft Touch
- Just Right
- Deep Tissue
- Proper Squeeze
- I Like it Rough
- Punish Me
How long?
- Quickie 10 min
- Quarter Hour 30 min
- Half Hour 60 min
- Full Hour 100 min
- Properly Knead 2 h
- Take Your Time 4 h
- Mega Marathon 10 h (1 flame)
How Spicy?
- Vanilla Massage Human safe
- Lightly Inappropriate
- Quite Spicy Indeed
— Below spiciness levels are only available at the Snuggle Dome on the Top Floor —
- Full Snuggle
- Naughty Deluxe
- Severe Debauchery
Other services
- Scrub & Wash before & after
- Equipment Inspection
- Snuggle Tutorial
- Sailors Delight
- Latest Gossip
- Extra Squeezes
- Oil Change for Marionettes
- Slag Chisel for Rindr
- Full Body Shave for Human
- Leaf & Bark Care for Vittra
Optional Extras
Ointments
- Lard Free
- Premium Butter
- Squid-Honey Rub
- Flower Essence
- Leviathan Oil
- BBQ Sauce
- Ice from the end of the world glacier
- Debtor’s Blood by Bella & Blair
- Clear Mud
- Face Glaze
- Acid Rain
Extras (to share with your group)
- Private Room
- Private Bath
- Complete Silence
- Smelly Candles
- Rubber Dodo A memento to keep. New color every month.
- Collect them all!
Snacks
- Pickles – juice included
- Barnacles in Brine
- Crispy Dodo Wings
- Cloudshroom Spores
- Hammerheim Meat Platter
- Leaves & Flowers
Drink
- Aqueduct Water Free
- Goat Milk
- Arsenic Water
- Sea Berry Wine
- Seaweed Smoothie
- Miranda’s Peach Punch
- Fermented Clam Fluid
- Tongue Elongating Tonic
- Beer NEW – a mediocre Human drink
Snuggle Services
We advise Humans NOT to look at the back of this pamphlet due to risk of fainting. For Elves and other unashamed kin, please turn the page to see the illustrated list of services we offer.
Special offer: Low Tide Discount
Get 20% off on your low tide elf massage! Valid on Stillhrbour and Turntide.
When?
- Date: 89–1–34 Time: 4:80
- As Soon as Possible
- Low Tide
Waiting time varies by availability. Feel free to enjoy the bath in the meantime.
Names
- Fiona Truetale
- Lily Forest
- Perry Belgrath
Disclaimer
* “Why can’t I pick just a Seer?” We value the privacy of all our attendants and won’t reveal anyone as a seer. Besides, you won’t know the difference. This is not the place to find a seer for reproduction, for that we recommend joining the Elf Breeding Program. Sign up in the lobby.
Some treatments, foods, and drinks can be harmful or even fatal to some kin. Avoid the following symbol if you are Human or Vittra.
Cheeky Content
This page contain elven shenanigans that may not be suitable for shy human eyes, such as suggestive themes, crude humor, and butts. Viewer discretion is advised.
